Praslin Paradise

There is no super cheap way to get from one island to another, the inter island plane is $60 each if you book on the Internet, and the ferry £45 each way. On our crossing, this included free entertainment: watching people drop like flies with sea sickness and ending the trip with the head of a very sick lady on my lap (she having passed out and been cared for by crew, they had to leave to put out the fenders or some other spurious excuse). Rough seas and a high speed catamaran are not a great combination and sadly we were unable to watch Praslin approach as it was shrouded in cloud. In all honesty I was too busy checking my new travelling partner had the sick bag to her face and ensuring my feet were out of the way of a direct hit to have noticed anyway.

It's easy to grab a taxi at the port and a 10 minute ride to your hotel will cost 250SCR or £14. You cannot take the bus as they do not allow suitcases on....can't say we were disappointed at that one.

Mango Lodge is set high up on a hill again (Steve has asked if I am actually trying to kill him) which affords a fabulous view across a turquoise bay and is so remote you can sleep with the doors open and the wind blowing through. The accommodation itself is a selection of A-frame chalets, individual huts with kitchen, bathroom and balcony all made from ply-wood. They are fine (not the Ritz) and heat up nicely in 30c, much like a shed. The knock out smell of damp from the bathroom means you don't take your time and it turns out all the taps are plumbed the wrong way around, so the Baltic cold showers we both had could have been avoided after all. That said, €100 per night including breakfast does get you a priceless vista, and a bed that is close to comfortable.

Quite a grey and drizzly afternoon has been spent scoping out the local eateries and the associated prices, obviously accompanied by a Seybrew and sit down in each. So far not too bad, given the captive audience we pose. A fish/chicken/beef curry will set you back about £10.00 and a Caesar Salad £6. Pizza and pasta are the mainstay, as the island is heavily visited by Italians, and these range between £5-£12 for a main course.

We have had one stroke of luck on the shoestring though; a beautiful bar with upper floor for watching the sunset, all decked out in rattan furniture, and sporting a private function section of the Verve Cliquot variety. Due to the lack of private bookings we were able to manoeuvre our way into the specially reserved part for free and while away some of the tropical downpour in the very comfortable surroundings, all for the price of a few drinks (admittedly not the cheapest we have ever had and at £6 for a cocktail you learn to drink slowly).

Missed Moyenne

Having watched Simon Reeves' Indian Ocean we had been captured by a particular episode covering a little Island just off the coast of Mahe, called Moyenne. It was purchased in 1962 for £8,000 by a British man called Brendan Grimshaw. It became home to 120 Giant Tortoises that were saved and brought to the Island to live out their retirement years. Given these creatures can live to 180 that's a lot of retirement.

So off for the day, with packed lunch from Victoria's equivalent of Waitrose (for the princely sum of £4) we were ready to find a boat taking day trippers to the Island, having read that you can visit for about £10. Back at the Marina, this seemed a simple task, wave some Seychellois Rupee, hop on board and arrange a return pick up later in the day. How wrong could we be! We had not accounted for the Caribbean style laid back attitude to making money coupled with the French element of leaning back on the nearest post, waving a Gaullois in your face and demanding €120 euro for a 15 minute taxi service.....and should you not wish to have your house remortgage for the outing then there was no negotiation. Like a French tanker driver on strike they simply sit, laugh and in their French African drawl declare "c'est ca", in other words take it or leave it! 

Liking nothing more than a challenge and undeterred in our mission to agree something reasonable, we spend the next hour hawking anyone with a boat to see if they can give us a ride. We don't want more than one island, we don't want the Creole barbecue and we don't want the snorkelling trip. Just a simple lift over THERE! Never have we pursued such an unattainable mission for so long, but the longer we tried the stronger the strike action. I thought we might wear them down to white flag status, but their belligerence is unsurpassed even by me. We briefly considered spending the cartel price but to be honest, the guy who lived there died in 2012, so wouldn't be up for a chat and we only wanted to see the place not buy it.

So option two was to see them in the botanical gardens, entry fee 100SCR or £5 each. These creatures weigh 200-300kg each and reach up to 4ft in length. They are on the endangered species list, with the largest populations remaining in Galapagos and the Aldabra Atoll, apparently those found in Galapagos originate from Ecuador and those in the Seychelles from Madagascar. Up close they move like a sloth and have the look and feel of a Komodo dragon, only with a shell. The weirdest thing of all is they love affection, rubbing their scaly heads and feet they nearly topple over as they become strangely drowsy when lavished with attention. They are in an enclosure which anyone can go in, but in true Cameron style we were the only ones willing. Every other visitor stood back and simply took photos, their holiday snaps no doubt ruined by the crazy English in each of them with their Creole fed bottoms taking up each frame!

We have also needed to buy ferry tickets from the Inter Island ferry terminal, as we move to Praslin tomorrow. A one hour ferry ride is exorbitant at £45 each one way and we will probably fly back as it is the same price. However arranging them has been easy with a ticket office at the terminal and clearly defined timetable and we shall see how things work out in the morning.

So what to do for our final afternoon on Mahe? A return to Beau Vallon beach none the less, with a desperate attempt to get past page 10 of my book and watch the world go by. The mornings efforts have obviously taken their toll however, as the book is never opened and our world watching attention span is clearly seriously depleted as we are out cold until sunset.

The total spend for the day has been in the order of £15.00, and we decide to finish off our stay with the Creole buffet at a place called the Boathouse. 400SCR (£20) gets you all you can eat and dessert. It also buys you the ability to set the pace as it is self serve, although you need not worry as its owned by a British family and whilst they bring with them the obligatory queuing around the food stand, they do offer something close to German style efficiency when compared to everywhere else.

Boats, BCD's and Blowing the Budget

So the South African has gone, apparently we were not the first to complain, although it seems we were the last and he has been given his marching orders. He was due to finish in a few weeks but Big Blue Divers have decided to let him go early......we couldn't say we are disappointed and the change is certainly noticeable. Not only do we have a dive plan and safety instructions but the boat team seem to be breathing a sigh of relief. Randy, Rasta and Jerome ( the boat team) have been all smiles and all the diving clients have seemed relaxed and enjoying themselves as opposed to sporting the hallowed look of people joining the Poseidon.

The boat has been filled with German and French families, and a return from our Italian friend Paulo with the conversation all flowing in English, always a bonus when it's your mother tongue, although shameful that those aged 11 (French) and 13 (German) have a far better grasp of our grammar than us!!

We have completed well run dives at the Lighthouse (drifting through a rocky outcrop), a coral garden dive and finally a visit onto two sunken barges. For the last we were the only ones remaining, all other divers having finished after their second dive. The visibility was poor, and sat in mid water on a 3 minute safety stop at 5m in waters home to bull and tiger sharks, without being able to see, means time passes painfully slowly, whilst the boat line rubbing on your fins feels remarkably like a shark attack when your heart is beating out of your chest and you are literally counting down the seconds to surface. Perhaps it is about time I get a handle on my imagination in these situations!! 

Once gain we have eaten well for €4 euro each with curried beef and rice served for lunch, although by mistaking the chilli sauce on the side for some sort of mayonnaise, I cannot actually tell you if it tasted nice as I spent the afternoon sporting the pout of Lesley Ash at her worst due to its burning effects! 

Having seen a restaurant on our self inflicted round island drive in a small town called Galcis, 5 minutes drive from Beau Vallon, it was decreed that, in the interests of investigation for those not on a shoestring, we must visit. It is beautiful, all low lighting and carved Buddhas set on the cliff edge with waves crashing beneath, although we were the only clients and the bench like seats sit precariously at 45 degrees leaning backwards towards the sea. Fillet steak with green food coloured mash potatoes (or at least I think that's what it was as we couldn't actually see due to the ambient lighting) with drinks is not cheap at £80 for two and blew the top off the daily budget. The same in mainland Asia would probably be about £30, however I hasten to add that the importation costs must be huge as we haven't actually seen any cows!

Full Circle.....Again!

Despite nearly circumnavigating Mahe in the dark, we thought it best to try it out in the daylight. It is payday in the Seychelles, and Victoria is heaving with locals shopping at the markets and paying their bills in the bank. Direct debit does not seem to have arrived on these foreign shores.

Victoria is the capital city of the Seychelles and has a population of 25000, as at 2009. The principal exports are vanilla, coconuts, coconut oil, soap, fish and guano. Attractions ( if you can call them that) include a clock tower modelled on the Vauxhall Clock Tower in London, and the Courthouse.

The city is also home to the national stadium, the International School Seychelles and a polytechnic. The inner harbour lies immediately east of the town, where tuna fishing and canning forms a major local industry. One of the largest bridges in Victoria was destroyed by tsunami waves from the 2004 Indian Ocean earthquake.

Victoria will take about an hour to explore and make your purchases, with shopping on a shoestring being relatively easy; 20 small bananas will set you back 10SCR or 50p, some samosas and other Indian snacks about 31SCR or £1.50, a couple of beers and soft drinks (diet coke and fruit juice) plus ice lollies will set you back 140 SCR or £7.50. Our sandwiches were free, made from 1/4 chicken and flatbread acquired as take out from the previous evening. We parked for free at the Marina, so the day has cost £10 by midday. With our well travelled cool bag in tow, you can eat for free sat in the park at the marina and the view is incredibly pretty. You can watch the boats in and out and a few crazy Chinese tourists clothed head to foot so as not to encounter any sun (perhaps they should take up winter holidays only, surely more comfortable?).

The afternoon involves a re-run of the coastal road, this time taking in the view and beaches. We opted for an afternoon on Anse Intendance, where the £500-a-night Banyan Tree resort is based, in its beautifully manicured gardens. However, there are no private beaches on the island so anyone can share. It does say no swimming due to the huge waves but, as some had been brave, we joined in. It's a free activity, although the potential medical bill from secondary drowning might not be. 

Always planning ahead, we had taken our own glasses and Gin (purchased duty free at Heathrow) and found a wonderful local beach for sunset (the best so far) and so once more we find ourselves on the lookout for an evening meal location. Passing the previous nights offering and dismissing a repeat visit and finding nothing else along the coast road or mountain cut through, we find ourselves back in Beau Vallon, with a beach market and hawker stalls selling curried fish, chicken or beef with rice for about £3.50 each. Unfortunately, arriving back at 9pm, it would seem the evening is coming to a close and only the scraps are left, nothing for it but to head to the most renowned restaurant for flatline service and order fish and chips. The grand total for both being £10.00, with free side order of desire to slit your own wrists at the pace,1.5 hours for a pizza.....really!!!

Shoot Out or Take Out?

First task of the day is to be collected for diving. All kit ready and packed, the water adventures are to begin........ two small problems: forgotten dive computers, left at the shop (needing collection for second and third dives), so instead we will follow our trusted dive master. However this becomes issue number two as, despite being South African and speaking English, said dive master is about 16 and has the communication skills of a mute!! The end result is no dive plan and, by the end of the dive, no dive master, instead following Paulo (fellow tourist of the Italian variety and qualified dive instructor, in fact he should get the job).

Unfortunately, the day did not get considerably better and the lack of communication about anything (including food....generally my main priority) ended in us calling time on the day's diving after the second attempt and myself giving this incompetent, racist pig of a man some verbal attitude realignment therapy. Why you would come to work in the Seychelles with a belief system reminiscent of the Ku Klux Klan, is beyond me, irrespective of the immense level of incompetence.

It did seem things might have gone a little far, however, when 12 police officers charged into the dive centre with their hands on their gun holsters minutes after we arrived back for cleaning kit. In fact, the place was surrounded by squad cars supported with much frantic running in a line after the assailant in question, much like a Benny Hill sketch. To be honest, I thought we were about to take part in a series of Banged up Abroad, or caught in some sort of shoot out, as I am now screaming at Steve to hit the deck (too much NYPD, me thinks). It turns out they were after nothing more than a petty thief. Crime is taken so seriously here that the 10 police stations are marked on the tourist map and on reflection it does all seem a little over the top for someone robbing bananas!

There were some positives though; the diving has been easy, although the visability poor, and lunch was only €4 each. To top it off we have completed our last interval training session as the car arrived for island exploration. We have had some horror rental cars over the years and on the face of it the ice white Hyundai i10 seems alright for £26 per day. Turns out it is no better, the roads are so tight and winding that the power steering actually screeches and 5th gear has never been seen as you are either climbing a mountain in first or free wheeling down the other side, whilst the suspension knocks through the wheel arches.

Given the state of the car, night time is probably not the best time to go exploring another location across sheer mountain drops with no crash barriers! However, in the interests of writing about travelling to the Seychelles on a relative shoestring we are determined in our mission to find a variety of eateries at a reasonable price. It might be worth noting at this point that the Grand Anse beach and its many beach bars and food stalls I had been reading about was in fact the one located in Greneda and not that of the same name in the Seychelles. An altogether epic fail on my part which does not for a harmonious evening make. The result has been an evening of circumnavigating the island in the dark and finding only one restaurant outside of Beau Vallon open! Thankfully, not too hard on the pocket with 2 meals and drinks setting us back £56.00 and the left overs being taken in a carton for lunch tomorrow (looks like chicken sandwiches all day).

Beau...tiful Vallon

So it has started well. Despite being self catering, lovely Doris delivered breakfast to our door which was an unexpected surprise and at this point the slightly hilly location being to our benefit, not only to the calf muscles but also because the owners feel obliged to really look after you so any negativity that could be nit picked is brushed over on trip advisor. This leaves just the bathroom-picture-takers and marks-on-paint-work whingers left and with those types you will never win and we are always interested in what their home actually looks like.

So on to the main events for the day, booking some diving and investigating Beau Vallon beach. Doris and Mick are friends with Gillie at Big Blue Divers and therefore recommend them accordingly. For the divers amongst you, they are also the only local PADI 5* outlet. Booking 5 dives each gives you 10% discount and the local tourist brochure proffers a further 10%. Over all you can buy 5 dives each for £350 or £35 per dive, including any equipment you may not have managed to fit in thr suitcase. For me that is normally a second wetsuit for water temperatures under 30c. Not exactly on a shoestring, which is why everything else needs to be, but our main hobby. With two days diving sorted by 9.30am there is just a day on the beach to worry about.

To say the Beau Vallon beach is spectacular would be an understatement, squeaky white sand, turquoise water like a bath and shaded by palm trees, it is idyllic. If you want to be negative you can't rent a sunbed which then involves a day of sand and suncream scrub and there are apparently Palm Spiders in the trees the size of dinner plates. If absolutely honest we had hoped for sun bed rental of the squishy sofa kind, this time not to avoid the striped stick of rock look (due to being covered in sand by to the wind) but because we quite fancied sleeping on something resembling a mattress, as the offering at our apartment, like so often happens when we are away, has the comfort quality of sleeping on a breeze block. So sand castle beds it has been although the purchasing of two Lilo's is imminent which can double as a night time sleeping impliment, although the air con will have to be on max so the heat induced sweating does not result in sliding off!

Nothing for it but to settle into a door wedge of a Marian Keyes book of chick lit, apart from I forgot it!! Not so bad if your room is on the ground floor, really bad if you have to trudge back up the 900m cliff face, called a road. Nothing for it but to dig deep and set off on a retrieval mission in 35c! If I find I have read my borrowed book before then all 874 pages are going to be used for cigarette papers and I will owe its owner the £1 she was going to be selling it for at the next carboot sale!

So ensconced in perfect people watching mode the day has drifted by. Marian Keyes makes a great napkin for the unavoidable snoring dribble, and the black text imprinted on one side of my face has substituted as excellent factor 50. Needless to say I still don't know if I've read it.

Beau Vallon certainly lives up to its place in the list of top 10 beaches in the world, although the Italians slightly marred the effect. Despite having 3km on which to set up camp they decided we would like nothing more than a Rosetta Stone day course in Italian jabbering and new guidance on personal space or lack thereof.

The shoestring business has gone really well too, eating from street hawkers from polystyrene boxes for £4.50 and being dealt a carrier bag of mango for £1.00 we can honestly say keeping the reigns on spending is easily doable. 

A little more interval training on Mount Vallon, we are now referring to it as, and holiday pizza is required, but not before Mick and Doris knock on our door to let us know of the amazing sunset and then deliver dessert of bananas and coconut milk. It has the consistency of baby food and the taste qualities of piña colada, for those interested.

An evening meal for two with drinks has set us back a little over £30 for two, although one thing to note, which we are getting the hang of, is the service. NEVER let the waitress leave without ordering 2 drinks, all food and asking for the bill all at the same time, and if at all possible order lunch at breakfast and dinner at lunch, as to say the Seychelles is slow is an understatement. It's not even one restaurant or bar which could be avoided but an organised cartel across the board of who can achieve the least number of table covers in an evening.

The above might be why the US Navy and Marine Corp are ordering 10 drinks at a time and nothing to do with having been let out like caged animals. That said, they have provided riotous and hilarious behaviour and seem to enjoy saying "I shall have another bloody round" and "tally ho", in a comic British accent in ear shot, thankfully they made up for the British mick taking by providing us with a full rendition of "the Fresh Prince of Bel Air" title tune complete with their very own Carlton style dancing. So much for an early night, although it could have been worse as we did forgo the invitation to a hotel room party and swimming pool skinny dipping, funny but it's just not our sort of thing!

She Sells Seashells.......

When asked where you are going on holiday, to respond "the Seychelles" does not illicit the response of "did you get a deal". In fact, you generally say the location in a mumble whilst looking at your feet and shuffling side to side a little embarrassed at the impression of decadence the name conjures up. However, if you swiftly follow this up with "we got cheap flights with Ethiopian Airways" the potential ponce factor seems to dissipate, with a snigger and "best of luck with that" and "do you take your own food", especially when the most recent press coverage includes the fire of an Ethiopian Airlines Dreamliner at Heathrow and Bob Geldoff, Midge Ure and the lyrics "feed the world" are firmly printed in the minds of anyone born before the 1980's.

£600.00 gets you a flight on a carbon fibre (basically plastic) plane, with 30% less emissions, and all battery related items for the plane now moved into fire proof boxes. In fact, it reminds me of a joke about how the black box flight recorder is the only part of a plane ever recovered so perhaps they should just build the plane as a very large version of it! Although, I think we may have found the problem and I might write to Honeywell when we return. There are no window blinds just a little button that turns the glass window from light to dark. Yes, very clever, but with 80 economy windows (40 either side) being turned light to dark with repeated pushing of said button, no wonder the electrics spontaneously combust.

I have to say the flight is fine, although the cabin crew feed themselves before any of the passengers and they don't serve gin! Ethiopia was a complete surprise, lush and green, with acres of arable land and what appears to be a complex irrigation system, it appears the government subsidies and Christmas number one royalties of 1984 have been put to good use and Bob is probably feeling a bit smug.

A three hour lay over is bearable in Addis Ababa, although $13 for two coffees somewhat painful and the return 6 hours might be more arduous. The connecting flight all on time and the luggage booked through and delivered to what we are now calling, "the Seashells", as this is how the captain kept pronouncing it, all was remarkably uneventful and easy for long haul travel with an airline described by someone we know as "spit and sawdust, but that was in 1982".

So we are here with Doris and Mick, having been picked up from the airport a little confused as to our location,given its uncanny resemblance to the Caribbean. Renting one of their apartments for £65.00 per night for the first 6 days (which if you have children would also sleep them on the sofa bed), on a hill 900m from the beach. Admittedly trip advisor indicated a hill, it did not describe the near vertical 900m incline, which already has our knees creaking. There was also no warning of feeling like you are under firearm attack in the middle of the night only to realise that it is in fact torrential rain on the tin roof!!

The aim is to see if you can come to the Seychelles for something like a sensible price. It will not be the five star, cocktail waiter bubble that you think of but a slightly harder work affair, including a trip to the supermarket for lunch provisions and cheap local beer and seeking out eating like a local. I must confess we failed dismally on the latter for our first outing, as tired and hungry we found the nearest tourist haunt and dinner for two with drinks, on the waters edge, set us back £65.00 and with the US Navy on shore leave, we spent rather too long talking with one of the Marine Corps at the bar. On reflection this was less to do with being engaged by tales of war and Marine training and more to do with the length of time each sentence took given the West Virginian drawl. Imagine Forest Gump on slow and you have the idea.